Sword of Damocles
by OriginalPippie
Summary: I don't want to give a summary because I don't want to give anything away. Yet another Bam fic to add to my ever growing list. I've already been told about certain inacuracies so don't message me about them. Just read the damn story is all I ask
1. Chapter 1

Slowly shuffling out of the bedroom Bam made his way downstairs, finally joining Missy in the lounge. Missy looked up from a magazine toward him and then adjusted her position a little.

"Well good morning finally. It's almost noon, babe." She stated  
Bam yawned and glanced over at her while scratching the back of his neck "Yeah so I found out."

Bam walked to the kitchen where he proceeded to pour himself a cup of coffee. He mumbled something about not having as much energy to do anything as he normally would. Missy then got up and entered the kitchen and promptly went up behind him, wrapping her arms around his warm body. She looked at the side of his face with a slight grin before kissing his cheek.

"I feel so tired but I don't know why." Bam said softly before taking a sip from his cup of coffee  
"Hmm… did you get enough sleep?"  
"Well I went to bed around 10 and slept almost 'til noon…"  
Missy nodded "Ok so maybe you got too much sleep then. Wait you went to bed at 10? That's unlike you."  
He glanced at her and then pulled away "I was tired last night. Leave me alone."

He sat down at the kitchen table and sat his cup in front of him. He then started down into the cup with a slight frown. Missy frowned as well, as concern washed over her. She went up to Bam and stood at his side.

"Bam is something wrong?"  
"Um… no, why?" He looked up at her  
"You're not acting like yourself. In fact you haven't been acting like yourself a lot lately."  
"I have not!" He sighed and then covered his eyes with one hand  
Missy sighed "See right there. That's not a typical reaction you would give to something like that. You know that there's something wrong with you but you don't want to admit it. Bam, you've been moody, your sleeping habits have changed, you don't have nearly as much energy as you normally would have; which I heard you mention just a couple minutes ago when you first came in here."  
"So what's your point?"  
"I'm beginning to think that you should see a doctor."  
He glared at her "I don't need to see a freaking doctor! I'm fine!" He got up from the table and headed back upstairs  
Later that day Bam sat on his bed leaning forward some. He frowned as he held his stomach. For the past few days or so Bam had been feeling, off and on, bad cramps in his stomach but he didn't say a word about them to Missy or even to any one else. This day, however, the cramps had turned into sensations that he really couldn't explain other than they felt like sharp pains in his stomach area. He still refused to let any one know about it. He just didn't want to admit that something was wrong with him and that he should go see a doctor about it like Missy had suggested to him.

Once the feeling had receded Bam was able to stand up. He then left the bedroom and went into the bathroom to take a shower. After stepping wet and naked out of the shower, Bam stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a moment. He sighed before taking the towel off of the nearby towel rack to dry off with.

He dried himself off and pulled on a pair of black elastic waist pants. As he looked in the mirror and himself he lightly placed his hands on his stomach for a moment. His hands then slid off of his stomach and onto his hips as he checked out his well-toned biceps and abs.

Picking up the comb that was on the counter near the sink, he began to run it through his wet hair. He sat the comb down and then smoothed down the back of his hair with his hand. He felt an itch on the back of his neck but as his fingers grazed over the skin in that area he paused with a confused frown upon his lips. His eyes turned up toward his reflection and then he felt the area a little more thoroughly. Both fear and concern filled him before he stepped out of the bathroom to look for Missy.

Missy was in the laundry room folding some clothes up. She, not noticing that Bam was there, jumped when Bam cleared his throat to get her attention. Bam stood there, shirtless and still with a little bit of water dripping down from his wet hair, and looked at her with timid eyes.

"Bam what's wrong?"  
"I, uh, I need you to feel something for me."  
She cocked an eyebrow in confusion "What do you mean?"  
"There's something on the back of my neck and I need you to check it out for me. Please."  
"Ok… ok turn around or something."

Bam turned so he had his back toward her. Missy rushed up with one hand and felt along his neck.

"Where exactly is it, Bam?"  
"You don't feel it?"  
"No… no wait I do now." She felt the spot some more "Bam you have a lump there."  
"I-I know but… but what is it?"

Missy sighed and stepped back a little, with her hands down at her sides. Bam turned to face her with a look of worry on his face.

"Missy what is it?"  
"I-I… I don't know."

Bam looked at her for a second before turning his head down. They both had a strong feeling what it was on the back of his neck but neither of them wanted to say what they thought it was.


	2. Chapter 2

Nervously, Bam sat at the dining room table with his cell phone in his hand. He flipped his phone, from end to end and along the side edges and had been doing that for the past few minutes. When he stopped doing that he began tapping on the table top with his fingers. He fidgeted in his seat and glanced up towards the clock a few times to see that, what seemed to him any way, the longer he sat there waiting the less time had actually gone by. He never been so nervous and scared in his life and didn't know what to do with himself but sit there and wait for his phone to ring.

Bam sighed and finally stood up and left the table. He picked up his phone and then sat it back down on the table, not knowing whether to keep it on him or not. He knew that if he left the phone where it was and went somewhere else, it would ring and he would miss the call he had been waiting for. But if he kept it with him he thought that his phone wouldn't ring. He decided to leave his phone on the table and just hope that he wouldn't miss the call. Bam walked over to the key hooks on the wall and grabbed the keys to the Hummer.

"Missy I gotta get out of here. I'm driving myself crazy just sitting here waiting around for a phone call. Which I don't know why I was doing that to begin with. That's not like me to just wait for my phone to ring."

He quickly left the house and got in the Hummer. Once he sat in the driver's seat he had no idea what to do next. He leaned back and sank into the seat and listened to the dinging noise from the dashboard, unaware that he had left the door open. Letting out a deep sigh he closed his eyes and pushed his hair back with his hand. His nerves were beginning to grow as he sat there and it caused him to get more and more upset as he continued to think about the phone call that he had been waiting for placing a hand on his stomach he began to get a horrible feeling that this was going to be the worst day of his entire life.

"I can't take it any more."

Bam sat up and took the key out of the ignition before getting out of the Hummer. He would back into the house, his stomach hurting a little more with each step, and went back into the dining room. He felt hot tears already forming in his eyes as he reached out for his phone. Right at that moment the phone rang so Bam quickly snatched it up and answered it.

It was just what he was both waiting for and dreading; the doctor. As he listened to the doctor he found it almost impossible to talk. He swallowed, hoping that it would push down the forming lump in his throat; which it had not. After the doctor had hung up, Bam stood there for a moment still with the phone up to his ear. A somewhat frightened expression had formed and froze upon his face from the moment he answered the phone.

He slowly lowered his arm to his side and slid his phone into his pants pocket. He wanted so badly for what the doctor had just told him to have been just part pf a horrible nightmare but he knew that it wasn't. His whole body trembled as the first of his tears fell from his eyes. He shook his head a couple times before closing his eyes for a second. Drawing his shaking hands up to his face to cover his eyes, he then used them to grab the sides of his head instead. Then like a dam bursting, Bam collapsed to his knees and shouted as he broke into sobs.

"Oh God no!" He screamed "No no no no no no no!!! This can't be happening to me!"

He clutched his eyes tight and rocked back and forth a little as he sat there wracked in tears. Missy ran over to him and sat down on the floor next to him, immediately scooping him into her arms. She rocked with him and soothingly patted him on the back as he buried himself into her neck and shoulder. Bam cried and incoherently mumbled into Missy's body as she held him. He then lifted his head a little bit and with a whimper in his voice he spoke the phrase "I don't want to die." over and over.

Two words. Just two words were all it took to bring Bam into the state that he was in right at that moment. Stomach cancer. It was the last thing he ever expected to happen to him; the last thing that he ever expected that he would ever have to go through. After everything that he had done to himself through out his life, the completely insane stunts that he had endured just for the sake of entertainment value, this had to be the thing that he feared would kill him. He had always said that he never had been scared that anything that he would do would kill him because he had only lived in that moment. He never was afraid of anything killing him. But this time he was more scared than he had ever been before. He had no idea how he was going to manage to go through everything he would have to endure with the cancer. He had no idea what to expect from the cancer. He wasn't sure if he thought that he would be able to make it through the illness or not. All he knew right then was he had cancer and it frightened him to no end. For the very first time in his life he was scared that he was going to die.


	3. Chapter 3

As he sat there he found it nearly impossible to sit still. His leg shook rapidly and he bit on his nails. He glanced toward the kitchen where his mom was and anxiously awaited her entrance into the room where he sat. However, once she had finally entered the room, his nerves had not eased like he had hoped. April sat next to him and placed a hand on top of his shaking leg to try to help him steady it. Bam looked at her with both worry and anxiety shining through his eyes, and he continued to chew on his finger nail.

"Bam please relax. You're really starting to scare me."

Bam turned his head and spat a nail across the room "Sorry, Ape, but I can't help it. This is just… gah. It's driving me crazy!"

"Ok Bam… it was obvious the moment I saw you get out of your car that something's wrong. Now's the time to tell me what it is."

"I want to tell you, Ape, and I will. It's just…" He took a breath "I don't know how to tell you. It's too hard to bring myself to even come up with the words…"

"Well just try to relax and just say it as it comes."

Bam looked down and rubbed the tops of his legs as he tried to calm himself down. He made a few attempts at saying what he had on his mind but nothing came out during those attempts. He looked at her and then glanced back down, having a much harder time making eye contact with her. He then held his head down and stared into his lap as he finally managed to speak.

"Alright so… you remember before how I would complain about not having a lot of energy and that I would often get real tired for no reason?"

"Yes I do."

"Well I've also been having bad pains in my stomach and I recently discovered a lump on the back of my neck. So I went to the doctor to get checked out. And um…" He rubbed his legs for a second "I just heard back from the doctor yesterday and I um… It turns out that I… that I have stomach cancer." He looked up at her

"You're kidding right? This is a joke isn't it? This is just some funny joke that you're pulling on me and you're going to bring out the camera men any second just to laugh at me. Aren't you?"

Bam looked down again. Tears quickly fell from his eyes and landed into his lap. When he looked back up at her, his face showed a great deal of pain and his eyes were full of tears. His tears rolled down his face faster than he would have been able to wipe them away so he just let them fall freely.

"Mom! I-I I can't fucking believe that you think that I would joke about something like this! I know I've done some pretty fucked up shit to you over the years but… but I…" He closed his eyes for a second, feeling his tears coming out faster and harder "I-I… I'd never do something this low to you but some reason you think I would!"

"Alright I'm sorry! It's not that I actually believed that you'd be this mean, it's just…" She pulled him into a hug, allowing him to cry into her shoulder and chest, as she let out a few tears of her own "Hearing those words actually come from my baby boy's mouth I…" She sniffed "I just didn't want to believe that you were actually serious."

April sat there holding Bam as he cried. She kissed him on top of his head and rubbed his back, both to comfort him and to keep herself from crying. She rocked him a little bit and he cried a little harder. Once he had calmed down enough he pulled away from her and wiped the remainder of his tears onto his shirt sleeve. He sniffed and then looked at her through his red, puffy eyes.

"So what are you doing about treatment?" She asked

He shook his head "I haven't thought about it. It's just too hard to deal with right now."

"I bet it would be but you can't just avoid it."

He sighed and closed his eyes "I know…" He took a breath, trying not to cry again "I just found out about this yesterday. Just give me some time to let it all sink in, ok? I mean, how the hell am I even supposed to deal with this right now? I cried so much yesterday and Missy and I stayed up all night because I was too upset to get any sleep. This is hard mom…"

April placed an arm around him. He leaned against her and placed his head on her chest. He then turned his head a little and looked up at her with sad, childlike eyes. A small dark curl had fallen into his face and stuck to his forehead. April let out a slight grin as she reached out with her free hand and brushed the hair out of Bam's face. She then leaned forward and lightly placed her lips upon the spot where the stray curl once lay. Bam continued to look at her and then she smiled softly at him.

The smile was all he needed right then to begin to feel better. The smile she gave him provided him with just enough reassurance that everything, for at least that moment in time, was going to be alright for him. He looked away from her and snuggled up against her. The two of them sat there quietly for a while, knowing that words weren't needed between them. Bam closed his eyes and buried himself deeper into her chest, feeling comfortable enough to drift off to sleep if he felt it coming on.

Bam jumped a little bit once Phil entered the room. He sat up and moved away from April and then looked over at Phil. Phil, right away, sat down near by, knowing that there was a large amount of seriousness surrounding all three of them in the room. When he was questioned about what was going on, Bam managed to tell Phil about his ailment. As he spoke, his voice was strained from all the tears he had cried previously when he had told April the news.

The three of them sat there solemnly. Phil and April discussed quietly with Bam about his options with treatment among other things. As hard as it was to even think about everything, Bam managed the best that he could to discuss it all with his parents. After everything that they had been through with him over the years, they had never expected that they would have to endure something quite like this with Bam. This truly was the hardest thing for either of them to take when it came to Bam's life. But they felt as though they were going to be able to manage everything that Bam's cancer was going to throw at them.


	4. Chapter 4

Missy reached over and grabbed Bam's hand. She held it, with their fingers laced together, in her lap. He looked over at her for a second before looking away. He took in a deep breath and held it for a moment before letting it out slowly. Time seemed to be going by way slowly; much too slow for Bam's liking. Bam was nervous and scared, not knowing what to expect during this doctor's visit. Out of every time he had gone in to see the doctor or went to the hospital for one reason or another, even when he went in to find out what was wrong with him before he found out that he had cancer, this time he sat waiting to see the doctor seemed to be the most nerve wracking for him.

He tried to stay as calm as possible while he sat there but he felt like crying. The whole idea of chemotherapy frightened him. He had no idea what was going to happen to him during these treatments or even after receiving these treatments.

Missy pulled him closer to her, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder. His stomach was beginning to act up from his growing nerves and his fear of what was to come for him. He sighed and looked up, trying to find the clock to see what time it was. Bam felt like getting up. He felt like running out of the building and then driving back home. He was too scared to go along with seeing the doctor and he thought that he would rather just stay home and not receive any sort of treatment for his cancer.

If only he could just live with the cancer without worry. If only he didn't have to sit there waiting for the doctor to show up. If only he could just not be scared. If this were all possible he would do it in a heartbeat. But he knew that he couldn't. He had to face all of it.

The nurse came up to them with a clipboard in her hand. She smiled kindly at both of them before calling Bam down to where he had to go. Bam stood up slowly and hooked his arm in Missy's arm, and then he prepared himself for what seemed like the longest walk he would ever have to take.

Bam's insides were screaming "Run, you fool, run!" and "Get out now while you can!" His head was spinning and his heart was racing. From the moment he sat down in the waiting room to the moment he began to receive the drugs, he was petrified. Many times in his life he made himself be brave. Many times in his life he had to face his fears. Sometimes he faced them with no problem. Sometimes he was too scared to move on past what scared him, but he realized that every time he came through it all just fine. He knew right then that with as scared as he was of having his first treatment, he was going to make it.

Once it was all over, Bam went to where Missy was waiting, and gave her a hug. He still wanted to cry but there was no way that he was going to show it as long as he was around her. When they got home Bam didn't know what to do with himself. For the most part, what he had feared the whole time was over. But he still had no idea what to expect when it came to the side effects he surely would feel from the drugs.

He was told about the general side effects but Bam still had no clue what he was up for. And that part seemed to scare him the most about the whole cancer treatment.

Bam sat on his bed and placed a hand on his stomach. He wasn't sure if the drugs had begun to work or not. He wasn't even sure what he should even be feeling right then, or even later on. His fears began to build up again and they brought new fears along with them. What if the drugs didn't work? What if he wound up in the hospital? What if he had to be sick for years? What would happen if the cancer beat him? He closed his eyes and lay down, trying not to think about such things any more. As he lay there trying to calm him down, a single tear rolled out from his closed eye, and hit his pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

This was going to be the first episode of the radio show that Bam was going to do since he received the news of his cancer. He was a little nervous about it but he was excited for it at the same time. He waited all week for this night and now it was finally time to do the show. The last time he felt nervous and excited about doing the radio show like this was the very first episode that he did.

They all walked into the studio in the "hobbit hole" and sat down, ready to do the show. The show started and they began laughing, joking and talking about whatever topics that interested them, just like they did every week. Then in the middle of a conversation Bam decided to stop who was talking, to announce what he had wanted to say for a while.

"Alright so before you continue with that," he said to Dico who was talking "I have to say something. Ok… ok well by now every one of you listening right now probably have heard something about me being sick. Actually I heard a couple rumors about me like, I was rushed to the hospital to have my appendix removed to I'm actually checking myself into rehab. First of all that's complete bullshit and who ever came up with these rumors, you should, like, I dunno, go to hell. But whatever." He stopped to take a breath "The truth is I'm sick. I have stomach cancer and I recently started chemotherapy for it. It sucks so bad… I mean just the chemo alone sucks. I hate the whole ordeal. If I could just have the cancer and get over it like, like it was just the flu or something, and I didn't have to get treated for it, then of course I would. But it doesn't work that way. A-and now I have to be sick and suffer through all this cancer bullshit…"

Bam had to stop talking because he felt tears forming. Dico reached over and patted Bam on the back. Bam wiped away a couple tears that had escaped. He knew it was going to be hard talking about it on the radio show for his fans to head, but he didn't realize that it was going to be this hard for him. Hew tried to hold it together during the rest of the show, but there were moments where he began to feel a little emotional.

Whenever someone else was talking, Bam would sit there, trying to keep himself from crying or thinking about his cancer. He leaned forward and placed his elbows on the console in front of him, careful not to touch any of the controls, and held his head in his hands. He then ran his hands through his hair and then he froze. His eyes widened and he let out a small gasp before bringing his hands down. He then opened his hands and stared into them, stunned and a little frightened to see he had pulled down with no effort at all, two clumps of hair.

"Dude," He said to the other guys in the room "I seriously just reached up and pulled out two handfuls of my hair right now."

"What's that?" Dico asked

Bam showed him the hair "I just pulled this hair out." He sighed

"That happens with chemo, Bam." Someone else said

"I fucking know that! I just didn't think it was going to be like this." He closed his eyes and sighed, trying not to cry "This fucking sucks."

Bam covered his eyes and continued to fight his tears. He hated becoming so emotional in front of his friends. It wasn't because he was ashamed to let them know he was crying, it was more because he hated having people worry about him. The last people that he wanted to have worry about him was his friends. He leaned back in his chair and looked around at everyone. It was becoming clear to him that it was going to be much harder to live his normal life without becoming over emotional or to ignore the side effects of his chemotherapy.

Unable to take sitting there any more, Bam got up once a song started to play and then he left the room. He stepped outside and leaned against the door, breathing in the fresh air. He had calmed down and no longer felt like crying but he still was not ready to go back inside. Then, out of nowhere, a wave of nausea came over him. He slid down, leaning against the door, and then sat down on the ground. He held his stomach as he sat there, and sighed.

The nausea was almost too much for Bam to bear. He closed his eyes and silently told himself that he wasn't going to lose it. Gagging a little bit he then placed a hand over his mouth and tried to keep him from vomiting. He lowered his hand and then took slow, deep breaths. Slowly the nausea began to fade away. After a minute Bam carefully pulled himself back up onto his feet. He then took a deep breath and held it for a second before he decided to go back inside. He decided right then that he was going to make sure that he was going to finish the show no matter what.

Towards the end of the show Bam was feeling a little more like himself. He wasn't going to let his cancer bring him down. He wasn't even going to let himself get emotional over it, no matter how hard he found it to be. There was no way that he was going to go through this cancer all emotional and depressed as far as he was concerned at that point. He was going to stay Bam at all costs. The only difference that he thought right then that there would be was the fact that he had cancer.

That's what he thought while the show was still going on. But he felt a different way. On the inside he was very scared. The thing was, he just wasn't going to show it on the outside. He thought it might have been a bit of a challenge for him to remain himself on the outside but he was willing to take on this challenge.

After the show he was smiling just as broadly as the others were. They headed back inside the house, still laughing and joking around. Bam had to admit to himself that being around his friends like he normally was, really cheered him up. His fear was still there but he tucked it away deep inside of him. He felt like he was going to make it through the cancer just fine. He felt better and a little more confident about himself. But most importantly right then he felt like he was going to have a good day tomorrow, and he was going to take each day as it came to him.


	6. Chapter 6

It took Missy a minute to nudge Bam awake. Bam cracked his eyes open and looked at her in a daze.

"Wh-what's going on? Why did you wake me?"

"I'm just worried about you."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Then as he leaned forward with a groan, he held his stomach.

"Bam?"

Bam just sat there with a cringe and held his stomach. He held his breath and then pointed over to the trash can. Missy looked over confused until Bam held his hand over his mouth and gulped. She rushed out of bed and picked up the trash can, bringing it over to Bam right on time for him to vomit into it. She sat next to him and rubbed his back a little as he continued to get sick into the trash can.

When he was finished he sat the trash can down on the floor and leaned his head back against the headboard. He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling sick in every part of his body. He wasn't sure if this sick feeling was side effects of the chemo or if it was just from the cancer itself. Opening his eyes again he glanced at the clock to see what time it was.

"Missy why the hell did you wake me up at 6:00 in the God damn morning for?"

"I was worried about you."

"Why?"

"I just felt like something wasn't right with you."

"There never has been anything right with me. What are you talking about?"

"No," She stopped. She was too upset to want to laugh at Bam's statement "I meant with your cancer. I was scared that something bad was going to happen. Besides if I hadn't of woken you up you probably would have puked in your sleep and died."

Bam looked at her and sighed "I don't need you to worry so much. I'm fine. I'm going to be fine."

He lay back down and pulled the blanket over him. Missy sat there looking at him and sighed. She lay back down and closed her eyes but she was still too worried to go back to sleep.

A little later that morning, Missy fixed herself a light breakfast, still feeling worried about Bam. She just couldn't help but think that something bad was going to happen to him. She sat at the table eating a bowl of cereal and a piece of toast, and waited for Bam to come downstairs. After putting her bowl and spoon into the sink she looked toward the stairs.

"What is taking him so long?"

She began to walk upstairs, feeling a growing bout of worry in her stomach with each step.

"Bam?" She called out

The only response she got was soft whimpers coming from the bathroom. She entered the room and saw Bam sitting on the floor. He held his stomach and cried softly. She hurried over to him and bent down in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Babe what's the matter?"

"I-it just hurts so fucking bad." He said through the tears before sniffing

"Can you stand up?" Bam just shook his head

Missy helped Bam to stand up and lead him downstairs. As Bam sat there in pain, Missy called for help. Bam leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. An extra wave of pain suddenly hit him. He let out a groan before holding his breath, trying to block out the pain the best that he could.


	7. Chapter 7

Bam opened his eyes and sat up in his hospital bed. He looked around confused for a second before he remembered what had happened. Then once he remembered what the doctor had actually told him after he had been in the hospital room for a while, and then he sighed. The doctor told him that he needed to have the tumor removed from his stomach. The last thing that he wanted to face right then was a surgeon.

The door to his room opened and he looked over to see who was coming in. Much to his surprise it wasn't a doctor or a nurse, but rather Jess and Kelly. They approached Bam's bed, both smiling, which Bam had to admit really put him at ease.

"Why what are you doing here? I didn't even think I could have visitors right now."

"Who told you that you couldn't have visitors?" Jess asked

Bam shrugged "No one really. I just assumed. So what's going on?"

"We just wanted to see you." Kelly said with a smile

"You're too cheerful right now."

"Oh whatever, sicky." She patted him on the shoulder as she sat next to Jess

The three of them began talking for a little while. Partway through the conversation Bam looked at Kelly and saw that she appeared to be focusing a lot on his hair. Bam stopped the conversation and looked at her directly.

"Why in the hell have you been staring at my hair like that?"

"Alright Bam," Jess said "We actually did have a reason to see you."

"What's going on?" Bam asked, feeling like he had a reason not to like whatever Jess and Kelly had in mind

Jess reached into the front pockets of his hooded sweatshirt and pulled out a pair of barber sheers, a battery powered razor, and a comb. He handed them to Kelly before she stood up.

"You're getting a hair cut, Bam." Replied Kelly

"Why do I need a hair cut? It's already falling out from the chemo."

"Bam just let me do this for you, please? Besides you just might like the haircut I give you."

Bam sighed and rolled his eyes "Alright."

Bam moved forward and made room for Kelly to sit behind him. Kelly took the sheers first and began to cut his hair. After a little bit she sat the sheers down and then picked up the razor and turned it on. Bam admitted out loud that he was a little nervous about what the end result of his hair cut would be.

"Bam don't worry."

"What are you doing to my hair anyway?" He tried not to have a whiney tone to his voice as he spoke

"I'm giving you a faux hawk."

"Oh."

Jess sat near by, watching with a smirk "It looks awesome, Bam."

"Really?"

"Yeah so far it does. Should look even better when she's finished."

Kelly grinned and continued with Bam's haircut. She brushed the back of Bam's shoulders and made to get loose hair off of him. She rubbed the back of his neck a little and paused.

"Bam didn't you say before that there was a lump back here?"

"There was before but I guess it went away. It turns out that that was completely unrelated to the cancer."

"Oh. What was that from, do you know?"

"I guess it was just from pent up stress or something."

Kelly brushed the rest of the hair off of Bam's neck "Ok your haircut's all done, Bam."

"Great." Bam reached up with one hand and felt his hair "Is there a mirror around? I wanna check this out."

"Hold on I think I have one in my purse."

Kelly got down from Bam's bed and went over to where she sat her purse. After quickly rummaging through her purse she pulled out a small mirror and handed it to Bam. Bam held the mirror in his hand and studied his reflection, after a moment of looking at himself in the mirror, and taking what he saw in. Bam let out a small grin. He then handed the mirror back to Kelly.

"Nice work. I like it."

"Thanks. You're all prepped for surgery."

Bam snickered "I don't think that's quite the spot that needs to be prepped, but thanks."

"Just trying to cheer you up a little bit." She patted him on the shoulder

After a few more minutes of visiting, Jess and Kelly were told that they had to leave. As Bam was getting prepared for his surgery, he tried to feel better about everything. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he was brought down to the operating room.


	8. Chapter 8

As he sat up in bed, listening to nothing but the sound of his own breathing, Bam looked all around the room. This was the first full day Bam was going to spend at him, after getting out of the hospital. He felt good to be home but at the same time it felt a little strange to him. For the first time in a really long time it truly was just him and Missy at home that day and Bam didn't know how to handle it. He was told that since he was recovering from surgery that he had to get lots of rest and take it real easy. But for Bam that seemed to be the hardest thing in the world to do. He hated having to relax; in fact he hated the word "relax".

Missy quietly entered the room. As she approached the bed Bam held his eyes closed, so it appeared to her that he was still asleep. He opened his eyes and looked at her as she gently sat on the bed.

"Oh did I wake you?"

He shook his head "Nah. I was already awake."

"How are you feeling?"

"Alright I guess. Still pretty tired."

"I bet you're bored out of your mind right now."

"I am." He paused with a sigh 'Why'd I have to get sick? I hate this."

Missy reached over and ran her fingers through Bam's short hair and then patted his back "I know, Babe, but you know it'll get better."

"I really hope you're right."

Bam slid over to the side of the bed and swung his legs down over the edge. He let his feet hang above the floor for a second as he carefully and slowly brought up into a straighter position. Coming out of a sitting position into standing deemed hard work for him since having the surgery. He took in a deep breath and prepared himself for even a slight amount of pain in the stitched area on his stomach. Once he got to his feet he placed a hand on the bed behind him to give himself a little support.

"I feel like an old man."

Missy tried to stifle a snicker "Oh babe."

Grumbling quietly, Bam then left the bedroom and entered the bathroom. While standing in the bathroom, Bam tried not to think about everything. He stood by the sink washing his hands and then glanced up into the mirror. He still wasn't used to seeing himself with the faux hawk that Kelly gave him but the more he saw himself with it, the more he liked it. His eyes then turned down from his hair to his face. It was almost too hard for him to look at himself. To him he appeared even sicklier looking than he actually looked. He cringed and turned his head away from the mirror, unable to bear the sight before him.

Actually seeing himself for the first real time since he first got sick proved to be the hardest thing for him to do so far. After taking a good look at his reflection he closed his eyes and felt tears forming. However he told himself that he wasn't going to cry. He forced the tears back, telling himself that he wasn't going to let it get to him.

Not long after, Bam had made his way down to the lounge and collapsed onto the couch. Missy came over to him and handed him a partially filled glass.

"What's this?"

"It's ice tea. I thought you might like some."

"Is there booze in it?"

"No, you're not supposed to be drinking."

He let out a slight sigh "Alright. You're right. Thanks."

Bam took a drink and sat the glass on the cushion beside him in his hand. As he lay there occasionally sipping on his ice tea, thoughts began to flood his mind. This was one of the very few times that he had to actually let himself relax and just think about everything. Normally when ever he had times to think like this, he would use the time to come up with certain project ideas. But this was one of the very few times where he actually thought about life, death, what he wanted and what he felt he needed, and what he hoped for and the like.

Missy, who sat in the chair next to the couch where Bam lay, glanced up from what she was reading at Bam. She saw that he was lost in deep thought, which seemed odd to her.

"Babe?" He didn't respond so she raised her voice some "Bam?"

"Hmm?"

"You're being too quiet and it's scaring me."

Bam let out a slight grin and looked at her "Sorry, I've just been thinking."

"That's part of the reason why I'm scared. Who knows what could be going on through that head of yours?"

He smirked and shook his head "Miss I'm not even in the mood to pull any crazy shit or anything like that."

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"That must mean you're sicker than we thought. Because you're always in the mood for crazy stuff."

"Missy I'm fine. You got nothing to worry about."

"If you insist. But I can't help worrying about you even when you're well."

"Oh whatever."

He sighed as he looked away before taking a sip of his ice tea. Placing a hand on his stomach, just above the stitches, he went back into his previous thoughts. After a moment of continuing his thoughts, he pulled himself into sitting position. He looked at Missy for a second as he straightened his thoughts out well enough to be able to tell them to her.

"Everything alright, Bam?"

"Yeah… it's just… hang on." He rubbed his eyes with one hand "Missy I think… I think that once I'm able to, we should go somewhere."

"Like where? Like on a vacation?"  
He nodded "Yeah. I just want to go somewhere where I can like walk around and do whatever. There's no way that I can just sit around and relax at home. It's already driving me crazy."

"Ok, well, if you want to go on vacation then maybe we should."

"I just want to get away from doctors and shit like that."

"I completely understand. You know, a vacation just might be good for you."

Bam nodded his head before leaning it back against the back of the couch. He closed his eyes, feeling tired for a moment. Missy sat down next to him, taking his now empty glass from him and setting down on the nearby table. The two of them then began talking about where they would go and what they would do while on their up coming trip. Missy had to remind him a couple times that it would be best, because of his cancer, for him to still take it easy while on the trip, which Bam really didn't enjoy hearing. But he knew that she was right about taking things easy. He just hated that she was right.


	9. Chapter 9

Bam sat idly gazing out the passenger side window as Missy drove. He wasn't usually quiet like this in the car, and normally there would have been loud music blaring. But this car ride he just wanted to relax and take in the passing scenery. He and Missy decided to just take a road trip with no actual destination for their vacation. No destination meant no boundaries; no limitations. And it also helped Bam to feel like he wouldn't be able to be held back by anything.

He kept his gaze upon the things outside that the passed, not even noticing that Missy had turned on some music. The notes of the song that was playing floated into his ears but he paid no attention to it. Missy glanced over at him growing a little concerned that he wasn't reacting to one of his favorite songs. Bam looked out ahead of them and then pointed, tapping his finger on the window.

"There! Right there! Pull in over there!"  
"What what? Where?"  
"Over there! I gotta check out this skate park!"  
"Why didn't you just say that instead of shouting 'pull in there!'?"

Missy pulled the car into where she could park. Bam wasted absolutely no time in getting out of the car. He grabbed his skateboard and practically ran into the skate park. Missy had to try to keep up with the ever excited and energetic child, while trying to make sure her heels didn't break off. But she was used to that sort of thing with Bam. She was actually glad to be chasing after Bam right then because it had been a long time since she had last seen him this way. When she caught up to where he was and saw him skating already, she stood back and watched him with a grin. For the first time since he had got sick, Bam was actually smiling and enjoying himself.

The warm sun shone down, kissing his skin nicely. There was a slight breeze in the air, going through his hair as he skated. He stopped skating for a moment and stood there gazing around at the park around him. It felt so good for him to be outside doing what he loved doing best of all. He held his skateboard, standing up on one end, by his side in one hand. With his other hand he brushed his hair back before placing it on his hip. Taking in a deep breath, he let the fresh air fill his lungs. That alone felt good to him.

He dropped his board and began skating some more. For a moment as he skated he forgot that he was even sick. But at the back of his mind he knew that no matter how good he felt right then, he had to take it easy. His head was telling him to take it easy, his body was beginning to tell him to take it easy, but his heart wanted him to push himself and keep going until he managed to do the best that he absolutely could do.

As he skated he began to feel the effects of his cancer kick in. He started slowing down and feeling weak. But he continued skating. He felt a little bit of cramping in his muscles. But he continued skating. He was beginning to feel nauseous in his stomach. But he continued skating, however at a slower pace. He began to feel dizzy. Then he finally stopped skating. Missy helped him over to a place where he would sit down to rest and pointed out to him how pale he looked. He was already kicking himself mentally for trying to push himself so hard. He knew that he should have listened to his head and his body, but at the time when he started skating he thought his heart made more sense to him. He regretted not taking breaks when he knew he should have. He regretted not ending his skate session when he knew he should have. He never felt this bad after a skating session and he blamed himself for it. While he was skating he had hoped that he could ignore everything he was feeling and just keep skating. But at the same time he knew it was impossible and quite foolish to try to ignore the effects of his cancer. But he had to try it any way.

While sitting there, Bam and Missy discussed whether or not they should continue with their vacation. Bam thought that he might have been able to finish out the rest of the vacation but he probably would have a hard time making it back him after finishing it. He wanted to finish it out but he felt like it would have taken too much out of him in the end. Missy confessed that she would rather that they went home so he could recuperate the rest of the time he had off, especially if it was going to make him sick or wear him out too much. As much as it hurt him to, Bam wound up agreeing with Missy. They decided that they were going to get a hotel room for the night and in the morning they would head for home.

On the inside Bam felt terrible. He never felt so weak before. He never thought he would ever have to face such limitations like this ones he was currently facing. He never thought that anything would ever stop him dead in his tracks quite like the cancer was doing to him. Worst of all he never thought anything would ever cause him to become so down on himself as he was feeling then. This cancer was causing him to think a lot about his life and he didn't like it at all. That was mainly because what he was forced to think about made him feel so much worse than the actual cancer made him feel. The last thing that he ever wanted to face was his own mortality. He realized then that, that was truly the thing he feared the most.

As Missy lay sleeping in the hotel room bed, Bam sat up awake, peering into the darkness. Earlier that day he had come to a hard realization that he could not get off of his mind. Fighting this cancer was going to be much harder than he originally thought; not just with the physical art but also with the emotional and mental part. He had prepared himself for the physical fight, but not the other fights. He sighed, thinking about all of this, and tears began to slowly fall from his eyes. This cancer had become too hard for him to fight and he was ready to throw in the towel.


	10. Chapter 10

"April I don't know what to do with him." Missy said over the phone "I think maybe you should come over here and see him."  
"How bad is he?" Asked April, starting to get concerned  
"Bad. He won't get out of bed for anything. April, he's seriously depressed. I've never seen him like this so I don't know how to handle it."  
April sighed "How long has he been this way?"  
"Since… since we came home from vacation. At first I just thought ok well the vacation took more out of him than we thought it would."  
"But there was more to it that that."  
"Exactly." She sighed  
"I'll be over as soon as I can. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll be there."  
"Thanks April."

They hung up and Missy sighed. All she had to do now was wait for April's arrival and hope that she would be able to reach out to Bam and maybe at least get him out of bed. Right upstairs Bam lay in bed with a permanent frown on his face. He refused to eat and the only time he moved was to change his position. Most of the time when he wasn't sleeping he just lay there silently staring off into space. He often had tears in his eyes and usually there were streaks left on his face from tears that actually managed to fall. He hardly talked, even to Missy. Whenever one of his friends came by to try to coax him out of bed to go out and have some fun, he quickly denied them and shooed them away, saying things like there was no point in him even getting out of bed.

April quietly entered the room and stood by the closed door. She looked over at the bed and instantly her heart sank once she saw Bam. The sight of Bam laying there all depressed surly was a difficult sight for her to take. She approached the bed and then lightly placed a hand on his side. He looked up at her with almost coldness in his sorrowful eyes.

"What are you doing here?"  
"Missy called me about you."  
Bam looked away and rolled his eyes "Great. That's just what I need. My mother to come here and check up on me." He sighed with a little frustration "I don't need people coming here telling me how much they're worried about me. I don't need anyone coming in here and trying to get me out of bed or to come in here thinking they're going to cheer me up. You know why? Because it's completely pointless."

She sat down beside him and just sat there quietly studying her son. Reaching over with one hand, she brushed Bam's hair back. As she brushed his hair with her hand, Bam looked up at her, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He realized then that his mom was both the last person that he wanted to see right then and the person that he needed to see the most right then.

"Bam," She said, a little softly, as she wiped a stray tear off of Bam's cheek "Why do you have to feel so sorry for yourself? That's not you."

Bam turned his head to look away from her, trying to blink away some tears. He laid quietly breathing and trying to avoid April's eyes. As he lay there he tried to think of a way he could answer her. Part of him wanted to kick her out of the room and part of him wanted to talk to her and tell her everything that was on his mind.

"Mom…" He closed his eyes for a second; feeling more tears "I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just realizing the truth about things."  
"Ok, well, what have you realized?"

Bam sighed and looked at her. He paused to try to straighten out what exactly he wanted to say to her.

"I…" he took a breath "I might as well just give up right now, and I already have."  
"Give up? How could you just give up?"  
"Why not? The cancer's already beaten me. There's no point in me even trying to fight it. All I really can do is to wait to die."  
April shook her head "Bam… who or what put that nonsense in your head?"  
"It's not nonsense. It's the truth. Why am I the only one who can see that?"  
"I can't believe what I'm hearing, Bam. What happened to my real son? The real Bam is very stubborn and a fighter. The real Bam wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in his way."  
He glanced at her "Well I guess that Bam is gone. Maybe I'm just finally thinking logically for once. Did you ever stop to think about that? I thought that you would have practically thrown a party once you realized that I started thinking logically instead of with my balls."  
"How can I be happy about my son just giving up? Bam you were doing great with fighting the cancer. So you've had a little set back. Well you know what? That's going to happen with cancer. You're going to go through all kinds of things with this. You could easily beast this, in fact you were well on your way to beating it. And now you're just going to give up?"  
He stared at her for a moment "Yes. I'm giving up. I already told you that fighting this is completely pointless. I knew from the very beginning that I as going to die from this, but up until now I've been in denial. I gave up. And I wish everyone else would give up too."  
"Well I told you the real Bam was stubborn. I just with you'd be stubborn about the right thing."  
He sighed "Mom… please I'd rather that I was left alone right now. Thanks for the talk that went absolutely nowhere." He turned away from her and buried his face into his pillow

April nodded her head and stood up. She walked over to the door and placed a hand on it before looking back at Bam.

"I guess keep right on feeling this way, Bam. We'll all be here when you decide to come back."

She opened the door and headed out of the room, going back downstairs to see Missy.  
Over the next few days Bam remained in bed that way that April had left him. His condition worsened drastically as he lay there not doing anything. From his depression, not eating or even drinking water, and not having any kind of cancer treatment, his cancer had taken a turn for the worse. Missy had begged and pleaded with him to get out of bed and to go to the doctor to receive chemotherapy. But each time she would ask him he refused. Everything to him was "completely pointless". He absolutely refused to budge off of his idea that there was no reason for him to do anything except lay there and wait to die.

One morning Missy had gone into the room to check up on Bam. When she entered the room she heard soft whimpering coming from beneath the covers on the bed. She went over to the bed and gently sat down near Bam, placing a hand on his side.

"Bam?"

Bam sniffed and whimpered as he pulled the blanket off of his head. He lay there shaking and curled up in a ball. Tears streamed down his pale face and he looked as though he could barely hold his eyes open.

"I-I can't take this." He said quietly "I've never felt this sick before in my life."

Missy stood up and grabbed a tissue from a nearby box. She sat back down on the bed and then used the tissue to wipe away Bam's tears and a little bit of snot from the end of his nose. After throwing the tissues away she looked at Bam and ran her fingers through his short hair. His continued to cry as she sat there trying to provide him comfort. He also shivered a little, causing his lip to shake. Missy placed a hand on his forehead and frowned.

"Bam you're real warm."  
"But I'm fucking freezing!" He said through his tears  
"I'm calling the doctor."

It didn't take very long before Bam was at the hospital. Even thought after being in his hospital room for a while he was starting to feel physically better, Bam still lay there in the bed quietly crying and feeling emotionally drained. He was conflicted on how he felt because on one hand he still felt like just allowing death to come but on the other hand he hated himself for treating himself so badly. He hated that he had convinced himself to no longer fight the cancer. He wished that he didn't wind up putting himself in the hospital partly because he had hoped on dieing peacefully in his own bed at home. His friends and family came in to visit him but all he could do was look down and cry the whole time they were there. The thing that he thought about the most as he lay there in sorrow was he wanted more than ever to go home.


	11. Chapter 11

This had become the longest and worst hospital stay that Bam ever had in his long history of going to the hospital. His cancer and depression had grown worse with each passing day. The doctors were scrambling, trying everything that they could to keep Bam alive. Bam wasn't sure if he felt worse physically or emotionally. All he knew was he hated having to be in the hospital for so long. Every day, numerous times throughout the day, some nurse would come into his room to check up on him. Each time a nurse entered the room she made an attempt to have a conversation with Bam. But not every time did Bam talk back. And on the times he had talked back to the nurse, not every time was he nice to her. He hardly ever was in the mood for chit-chat with some random nurse so he usually tried to turn down conversation in a nice (as possible) way.

His friends and family came in to visit him every day as well. However when they paid him their visits, he usually was in the mood to talk to him but he was too tired, too weak, or too sick to his stomach. But he would bite the bullet and make his best attempt at visiting with them, even for a few minutes. But with each passing day it became harder and harder for him to be able to withstand even the shortest visits with those he cared about.

Missy was almost always by his bedside. But Bam soon became too weak to be able to even acknowledge the fact that she was even there. There were often times where she was told that she had to leave because of visiting hours being over but she refused to leave Bam alone. It killed her to sit there day after day watching Bam's declining condition, but it killed her even more to leave him by himself in his hospital room, even if it was just for the night.

One morning, after spending the night in Bam's room, Missy had begun to straighten up her small sleeping area. As she picked up the pillow to fluff it she glanced over her shoulder at Bam's bed. She sat the pillow down when she noticed that Bam was awake and looking at her. Pulling over a chair next to the bed, she sat down.

"Good morning Bam. How are you feeling?"

He looked at her and for a moment he didn't respond to her "Tired…" He very quietly croaked

"Would you like any thing?"

He closed his eyes and very lightly shook his head before looking at her again. His eyes were dull and lifeless; the very opposite of the way they had looked all the time before he had got sick. It was sad for Missy to look into his eyes and see a large lack of sparkle in them. Bam, still keeping his gaze upon her, slid his hand over toward her on the bed. She reached down and lightly placed a hand on top of his, allowing him to hold onto it the best that he could. A small grin formed upon her lips as he held her hand. It was hard but Missy managed to hold back tears.

She vowed that she wasn't going to cry in front of Bam as long as he was in the hospital. However, her vow was becoming harder and harder to keep as the realization of the fact that it was very possible that Bam wasn't going to be making it out of the hospital grew stronger within her.

Phil and April had come up to see Bam one morning but they had not prepared themselves for that they had arrived to once they got to his room. Bam appeared to be barely holding on to a single thread of life. It appeared as though he was growing weaker the harder he fought to stay alive. When they spoke to him he could barely muster up the strength to speak even a couple small words. They never imagined ever having to face one of their own children in such a heartbreaking state; especially Bam.

Missy, who normally would have been right by Bam's side, had succumbed to sitting curled up in a chair in the far corner across the room. Her emotions had finally taken a toll on her, leaving her a complete emotional wreck. She couldn't even bare to look over at Bam. Being strong for him the whole time he was in the hospital had finally become too much for her.

Bam turned his eyes toward the doctor as he came into the room and greeted Phil, April and Missy. He closed his eyes for a short moment and took in a struggled breath as he tried to listen to what was going on around him. He could only pick up on bits and pieces of what was being said but her knew what the conversation was about. It was clear to everyone, including Bam himself that Bam was on his last breaths. However, it wasn't clear exactly how much longer Bam had before he passed. The doctor discussed with Bam's parents and (even though she didn't appear very responsive to the conversation) Missy about whether to take Bam off of life support or not. They also discussed briefly about what funeral arrangement would be made.

The whole time Bam listened as best as he could to their conversation. Part way through the conversation, however, Bam found himself, on top of the great weakness he was already experiencing, overcome with a sensation that he was unable to withstand. This was a sensation that, even though it wasn't new to him, he had never imagined himself even feeling at least not at this degree.

Pain. It was possibly the worst pain Bam had ever felt in his life. The pain was so unbearable that he almost couldn't breathe. He could hardly move. He could hardly keep his eyes open. His eyes were barely open as it was. He felt like there wasn't a single spot on his body that didn't hurt. Trying to fight through all this excruciating pain proved to be next to impossible for him to do right then. He struggled to open his eyes a little more but once he had then opened he wanted to close them tightly. But the pain prevented him to even close his eyes and it blinded him with a sharp, bright, white light. He wanted to cry but he only managed to let out the smallest squeak of a whimper. Even that tiny whimper was hard for him to produce.

Bam had no idea that one person was capable of undergoing all this pain. He had no idea that he would one day be forced to suffer this much. He never knew that pain would also frighten him as much as he was right then. He was beyond scared. He thought that there was no way he'd be able to make it through it all. It scared him even more once he realized that he could no longer bear the pain and suffering. With one last breath he closed his eyes and the pain faded away.


	12. Chapter 12

When he opened his eyes again the bright light still surrounded him, but nothing hurt. He felt calm and able to relax enough to breathe. As the light dimmed he sat up and looked around him. Nothing seemed like the familiar surroundings of his hospital room. There weren't any noises of the machines he had grown accustomed to, and no doctors or nurses were coming and going from his bedside. Everything around him seemed so peaceful and quiet. Even though he wasn't able to see his surroundings very well, he had a good idea of where he might have been right then.

Bam slowly stood up, not even sure if he was standing on any form or solid ground. He took in everything before him, even though it turned out to be nothing more than what appeared to be thick fog. The air around him was still and as he breathed it in he found it to be the freshest, cleanest aid that ever filled his lungs. But wait, he thought, if this place was what he thought it was the how was it possible that he was even able to breathe at all? This didn't frighten him though. In fact he found it impossible to be afraid of anything as he stood there. It finally dawned on him that he wasn't even in the excruciating pain that he had been suffering through just minute earlier and he even felt much stronger and healthier than ever before. The thing that he felt the most at that moment was calmness. He even realized then that he had never felt more at peace than he was at that moment.

A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. It was the first time he was aware that he wasn't alone in this place. Bam looked up and saw a mysterious figure in white standing before him. He squinted his eyes as he tried to make out who or what this figure was but the fog and bright light that had surrounded the figure prevented Bam from seeing any sort of details in the figure's body. The figure had no face as far as what Bam was able to see, only light surrounding the spot where a face should have been. Bam wasn't even sure if the figure before him was male or female. Even once the figure spoke, it had no distinct male or female quality to its voice, but rather a mixture of different types of voices blended into one. At first its voice sounded strange to Bam but then it made perfect sense to his ears.

"Welcome." The figure spoke calmly and with an amount of authority

"Who are you?" Bam asked.

Through the light and fog it appeared almost as though the figure was smirking smugly at him, before giving a nod. Bam realized then who this figure was.

"I… I'm dead aren't I?"

"You would not be here if you were alive."

"Is this heaven?"

"No."

"This can't be hell…"

"You are correct. This place is neither heaven nor hell."

"How long have I been dead?"

"That answer could lie anywhere between a few minutes and a few hours. However you do not need to know that bit of information."

"Why not?"

"It serves no real purpose to you."

Bam let out a sigh as he peered around him again. Nothing really made sense to him but yet things were beginning to make perfect sense to him. He looked back up at the figure that stood before him.

"How come I'm not in heaven?"

"You were not needed there yet. You were not expected to arrive for quite some time. You need to go back until heaven needs you."

Bam looked away again and thought for a second before answering the figure.

"I don't want to go back."

"Why is this, my son?"

"I like it here. I don't feel any pain. I feel so much better than I've ever felt when I was alive. And nothing scares me here."

The figure nodded "You are not needed here. Here is not where you belong. Not yet. You must return to whence you came until it is your actual time to be here."

"But I want to stay. Just for a little bit."

"Very well. I will allow you some time to stay here but you must return soon. But first I have to show you something."

The fog in front of Bam faded away. Bam looked down and saw the earth that was far below him. The image zoomed in at a very fast pace until he saw his hospital room. He saw the doctor in his room by his bedside talking quietly to Phil and April. Missy sat in the nearby corner, unable to look at either of them. She held her eyes down to the floor and her hand clung to the collar of her shirt. She looked like it took her all she could just to sit there. The image shifted back over toward the hospital bed. A nurse stood next to the bed examining a still body beneath the covers. Bam gasped once he recognized this body as his own. The nurse checked Bam's vitals one last time before going up to the doctor. Bam saw the nurse softly talking to the doctor but he could not make out what they were saying to each other. But by the way it looked Bam knew it couldn't have been good.

Bam closed his eyes, unable to watch the scene any more. He felt the same hand upon his shoulder, replenishing the calm peace within him. He opened his eyes and saw that the scene had changed. What he saw needed no explanation whatsoever. His family and dearest friends had gathered together, all of them were dressed in black and sorrow, and they were about to witness Bam's funeral. Bam saw one by one, everyone who had attended his funeral and he saw how they interacted with each other before sitting down. He saw Missy, his now widowed bride, be lead up to the front of the room before she was seated next to Phil and April. Phil placed an arm around her for a moment and whispered something in her ear before placing a kiss on her temple. April sat there dabbing tears onto a tissue, unable to look up towards the front of the room. Phil moved closer to her and held his arms around her. Bam could tell that Phil was merely pretending to be brave for the sake of his wife and daughter-in-law. But the truth of the matter was, he was broken up inside, unable to stand the loss of his youngest son. The image then moved slowly until Bam saw the front of the room as if through a guest's eyes. There at the front was the last thing that he ever wanted to see; the casket. _His _casket. He then felt like he was standing there before the casket, looking in at his own dead body.

Bam covered his face, no longer able to take in this scene before him. When he uncovered his face the scene had changed again. This time he was shown his house, from what appeared to be months into the future. Inside the house everything seemed so quiet and lonely. He watched as Missy walked through the house, not knowing what to do with herself. She wrung her hands together before crying out, in pain, Bam's name. Watching this hurt Bam the most. He clenched his eyes tightly closed and held his head in his hands.

"I can't take any more of this!" He cried "Please don't show me any more. Please." Bam uncovered his face and looked at the figure once more "I want to go back."

The figure looked at him and nodded. The figure then reached out, placing both hands upon Bam's shoulders. Bam closed his eyes, once again feeling the calm peace he felt before. A bright, warm light fell upon his face and filled his entire body. The fresh, clean air he had first breathed in when he arrived there once again filled his lungs. A sensation, greater than anything he had ever felt, overcame him as he stood there swimming in the light that surrounded him. He felt warm and at peace, taking in every beam of the light. All he wanted to do right then was stand there, not even opening his eyes, and let this moment last as long as possible.


	13. Chapter 13

The light faded away once he opened his eyes. Once again his ears were filled with sounds of familiar machines and voices that surrounded him within his hospital room. His vision cleared and he was able to see what was going on. The doctor looked back into his eyes and listened to his heart and chest with the stethoscope. A small grin formed on the corner of the doctor's mouth as he stood back some still looking into Bam's eyes.

"Well now, welcome back. We thought we had lost you for good."

Bam let his eyes roam around the room, hoping to spot something that would somehow provide him with even the smallest amount of comfort. He felt oddly calm and frightened at the same time. His whole body was filled with a strange and somewhat eerie sensation as in his mind he tried to recap what he last remembered that had occurred. At first he had no idea how to even comprehend the fact that he had actually just returned from the land of the dead. He still felt as though he was in a dream-like state but in his heart he knew that his afterlife experience was not simply imagined. He knew that he must have been blessed to have been given the opportunity to not only experience what very few people have been able to experience and then come back to tell about it, but to actually have the chance to physically speak to this great spirit whom he could only assume to have been God.

Bam never had been big on religion, nor had he even really stopped to think about whether he believed in the existence of God or not. But now after his experience he was absolutely certain that there is in fact a God, heaven and hell. He wasn't, however, going to let this newly acquired information change his every day life or cause him to become religious in any certain way. He was just going to keep his faith that God truly exists to himself, and tuck it away in his heart.

Looking across the room, Bam's eyes then fell upon the sight he had been waiting to see. He still felt too weak to even attempt to speak; otherwise he would have called out for her. But instead he just looked in her direction, hoping that she would notice him and come over to the bed. Missy still remained in her seat how she was before, looking down into her lap all distraught. She glanced up toward Bam with tears in her eyes and saw that he was looking back at her. At first she assumed that she was imagining things and seeing what her heart wanted her to see; Bam actually looking at her one hundred percent responsive and alert. She looked away with a little sigh, full of doubt. But then Bam opened his mouth to speak and let out the quietest, and almost squeaky, strained voice.

"Missy…"

Missy looked back over at Bam, unable to believe her ears or eyes. He still looked at her, like before, but this time he appeared to have the slightest little grin upon his lips. She stood up, stunned and unsure, and then slowly approached the bed.

"B-Bam?"

Her knees buckled and nearly gave out beneath her. She trembled as she pulled over a chair right next to the bed and sat down. For a moment she sat there silently staring at him and shaking in disbelief. She then reached out with her shaking hands and placed them on Bam, just to make sure that this moment was real and not just her imagination. Tears began to slowly roll down her face as she held herm hands on his body and looked into his eyes. Bam slowly reached over with one hand and placed it over top of one of hers. Missy then used her other hand to wipe away her falling tears.

"Oh my God, Bam…" She trembled even in her voice "Bam I… I almost want to hit you for scaring me so much!"

He looked at her and his eyes began to smile a little "I'm sorry…" He said very softly

Missy leaned down and gently placed her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She allowed a couple tears to land on Bam's hospital gown.

"We… we all thought you were… Don't you ever do anything like that again! That was the scariest stunt you have ever pulled."

Bam, unable to speak anymore, closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. He wanted to tell her that for a little bit he was dead. He wanted to describe everything that he had experienced after he died but he knew there would be plenty of time for him to do that later. The two of them stayed this way for a while, with Missy quietly talking to Bam and Bam doing the best that he could to reply once in a while. After a little bit, Bam found his eyelids to feel heavy. Then Missy pulled away to allow him to drift off to sleep. She lightly placed a kiss on his temple before standing up and leaving his room.

Over the next few days Bam's condition had improved. He was still very weak and would become tired easily but he had reached the point where he could hold a full conversation with someone for at least a few minutes. With each passing day Bam got better and better. He was even able to sit up all the way without any problem or without having to lie down after a while. During a conversation one day Bam for the first time in a long time actually had a smile on his face. He admitted that he couldn't even remember the last time he had a real smile. No one could believe that just days ago Bam was too weak to even speak to anyone. No one could believe that just days ago Bam had just came back from the dead. Bam was even laughing and joking around with everyone and saying things like how much he was looking forward to going home.

Out of every time he had been in the hospital during his whole life, Bam had never been in better spirits than he was in towards the end of this hospital stay. Everyone else was happy just to see the old Bam come back. The doctors put Bam through some tests to determine the status of his cancer. Bam couldn't have smiled any bigger when he was told that there weren't any traces of the cancer in his body. He was so happy after receiving that news that he almost didn't hear the doctor tell him that it may be a few years before he could actually be considered cancer free. Even once he did realize that the doctor had told him that, he still had a big smile on his face.

Shortly after receiving this news Bam told everyone that when he got home he was going to have a party to celebrate just how good he felt. He then was told that he would be able to go home within the next day. Missy, smiling, leaned over and gave him a kiss.

"Bam I can't believe this. When you recover from something, you really recover. I guess this goes to show you that you won't let anything slow you down."

He let out a small laugh "Yeah I guess so." He grinned "I really can't wait to get home now. Been here way too long; I almost forget what the house even looks like."

She giggled "Oh babe." She kissed him again "I have to tell you, the cats have really missed you. They don't know what to do with themselves."

"Wow. I bet they're like 'That crazy guy isn't here running around doing fucked up shit to the house. What do we do?'" He laughed "Yeah I miss the kitties too. I miss the house. And the yard. And everything."

"Well pretty soon you'll be able to go home to all that."

"That's awesome I really can't wait."

The next day, later on in the day, Bam was released from the hospital. When Bam and Missy got home Bam walked inside and stopped near the doorway and took in everything around him. He took in a deep breath and then let the air out slowly in a happy sigh. He never felt so good to be home than he felt right then. Bam knew that after what he had been through with his cancer he would be able to withstand anything else his life would throw at him.


End file.
